Go from Self-Help to Self-Knowledge!
Here it is: let’s let go of self-help and embrace self-knowledge! Do you dare to bet on yourself? I am certain that if we made this leap, we would dance with life instead of stumbling through it.
That is why, from your digital home, the School of Skills for Life and Health, we wish you a wonderful new year. May you fulfill your purpose of living in 2021. Authentic living needs nothing from the outside—only you.
What is “Self-Help”?
By self-help, we mean all initiatives focused on surviving what life brings. Surviving what, you ask? Well, everything that makes us uncomfortable and all those insecurities we wish to escape.
To be clear, these often boil down to lists of promised solutions. They are quick, easy proposals like “the keys to…” followed by whatever causes us discomfort in our body, mind, or relationships. They are full of good intentions, and I have tried many of them myself.
These are ‘magic formulas’ we buy from the outside. What we actually buy is an external belief: the belief that change is possible. We expect quick changes in our lives and even in ourselves. These solutions promise that our problems will be solved in 7, 14, or 21 days. They claim we can erase our anxiety, change our habits, or start new ones.
Groundhog Day (The Day of Disillusionment)
Nothing is more seductive to the mind than quick, easy promises. Especially when they claim to have worked for countless others before you. However, having tried these solutions, I know how fleeting the results are. I have found that we mostly buy cheap substitutes just to survive and escape daily challenges.
As a researcher and observer of human nature, I offer two points for reflection today. We must understand their impact on us. They are:
- The existence and meaning of the placebo effect, whether in a pill or a “5 keys to change your life” guide.
- How fleeting, inconsistent, and unpredictable the self-referenced human mind can be.
Then, one day, disillusionment arrives. Tired of stumbling over the same stones, we finally dare to remove the bandage. We look at the wound, the scratch, the scar, or whatever hurts us.
We Are a Gift to the World and We Do Not Know It… or Believe It
We are a gift to the world. Yet, with self-help formulas, we escape from living because we ignore our most human reality: our pain. Instead, we settle for feeding our ego-image. We do this without realizing it, and we do not see that it fails to help us.
Let us look closely at what we do. In many ways, we feed “that self” which demands hard work to change behaviors. It forces us to eliminate habits that do not fit its self-image. But “that self” never succeeds because it is never satisfied, and we are never good enough.
With a focus on self-help, we might achieve some change. However, this change is temporary and fleeting. It does not reach the depths where authentic things are created. In that center, regardless of external events, lies the origin of our purpose and health: Salutogénesis.
This is why nothing from the outside works when applied like a topical cream for acne. To truly clear acne, you need internal hormonal regulation, not just a cosmetic cream. Only then can you restore balance across many essential functions and dimensions.
This recovery begins inside each of us. It requires finding the right elements and giving them time to work. This is how the promise of a “magic formula” becomes a true “master formula.” In this formula, you are the master. But beware! This is not about forcing yourself to become “the best version of yourself” every day. No, that would just be playing into the hands of “that self” we mentioned. Do you see it?
The Benefits of Putting Willpower at the Service of Self-Knowledge
By self-knowledge, I mean opening the door to bring order to our lives. This means opening ourselves to inquiry and wanting to know our true human essence. It means stepping out of chaos to discover what we are made of. It takes courage to leap and look without trying to change anything.
As I said, it is not about forcing yourself to “be the best version of yourself.” If we follow that path, we will end up in a “tired society.” We will push ourselves to the brink of burnout. This silent condition is like the boiling frog metaphor. The frog burns without realizing it as the water heats up, dying because it did not know it was dying.
We can even become addicted to what harms us. That is how “that self” works. It constantly thinks, and does nothing but think, that it will change things. For that, it demands magic potions and self-help to reach its “ideal version.” We live a life of overthinking, which prevents us from being happy and authentic.
But that is not the way. On the path of self-knowledge, there is no struggle. There is no forcing yourself to be something else or to meet an impossible daily ideal.
On the path of self-knowledge, “self-esteem” does not exist either. We begin to see this concept as a mental invention. We can never achieve it while chasing mental ideals. So forget about self-esteem! Seek understanding instead, and trustingly embrace what is already there.
On the path of self-knowledge, we also let go of guilt. We leap from survival to true living. We laugh at our mistakes and understand their origin in “that self.” We begin to heal by becoming whole. In its ancient sense, the word “heal” means to make whole.
We become whole when we live in all our dimensions, conscious of them all at once. This is another great benefit of the path of self-knowledge we promote at the School. For this reason, self-knowledge is always present in the courses offered by the School. It is the first of the Life and Health Skills named by the WHO.
On the path of self-knowledge, we live whole, healthy, confident, and focused on letting ourselves be. We are what we are, and we are pure Life.
In Memory of the Heart of…
I want to dedicate this short piece, written on the penultimate day of 2020, to everyone who passed away this year. I especially dedicate it to those from whom I learned so much, even if reluctantly at times, and to whom I owe immense gratitude.
I share beautiful memories of my father José-Oriol and Professor Antonio del Cerro. I honor both for their legacy, bright light, humor, and the courage they showed even amidst their own shadows.
